It’s that time of year when the aisles overflow with oversized stuffed animals, assorted chocolates in heart-shaped boxes, and fancy flower arrangements. St. Valentine’s Day is on its way and it’s supposed to be a day that we celebrate something we call love. But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice that the world seems to be seriously confused about exactly what love is.
Our culture likes to define love with the phrase, “Love is love.” In other words, love is . . . well, whatever you feel like it should be. To some, love is a relationship between one man and one woman for life. To others, love means a relationship between two men or between two women. Still others view love as an open relationship among several partners at once. Recently, relationships between adults and minors have been accepted by some on the fringe as another expression of love. The phrase, “Love is love”, seems to mean that love is defined by an individual’s feelings, desires, perceived needs, and emotional interests. While this relative, warm-and-fuzzy definition sounds nice in theory, it really doesn’t work in real life.
For example, let’s say I have a five-year-old child whom I claim to love very much. Suppose that I feel so affectionately toward the child that I want to do something to express my love to him. So, when my child asks for candy before dinner, I answer, “Because I love you, darling, you can have all the candy you want. Anytime! All the time! Eat up!” Would that really be a loving thing to do for my child? Well, it may seem like a generous thing to do. My child wants it, I want it, and we both feel good about it, so it must be right. Right? But if I give my child anything he wants, my child will most likely end up with a massive tummy ache and a host of other problems. Allowing my child to eat himself to death doesn’t sound very loving after all, does it? Would you accept my behavior if I excused it, saying, “Well, love is love. And this is how I express my love!”
Let’s take our example one step further…Do we treat everyone we love in the same manner? Would I express my love to a child the same way that I would an adult? Do you treat your mother the same way you treat your spouse? If not, why don’t you? If you love them both, why don’t you express that love in the same way to both your mother and your spouse? What’s the difference? Love is love! Obviously, we do not express our love in the same exact way to each of our loved ones because there is such a thing as right and wrong!
So, if love is love, then what exactly is love anyway?
Well, as Christians, we know that God is love (I John 4:8). His Son, Jesus Christ, is the embodiment of love. We need look no further than God’s Word and Jesus’ example to find the true definition of love. In John 13, Jesus shared a last supper with his disciples in the upper room. He washed their feet in an act of humility and service. He broke the bread and served the cup as a representation of His body soon to be broken and blood soon to be shed. Then in verse 34, He left them with this, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another: as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” So, we know that we are commanded to love. Specifically, we are to love the way Jesus loved us.
How did Jesus love us?
Right after this scene in John 13, Jesus gave His life on the cross for His disciples and for the entire world, that we might be saved from sin. Jesus’ love wasn’t based on what felt good to Him or what He wanted. Ephesians 5:2 says, “And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us as an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savor.” As these passages demonstrate, Christ’s love was selfless, self-denying, and sacrificial. From Christ’s example, we see that love is not a feeling or desire. Love is doing what is right by others in order to bring glory to God. Jesus said in John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” And we can know what those commandments are from God’s word.
In relation to loving one another, God’s commandments are clearly given in Romans 13:8-10: “Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” This passage defines love as the fulfilling of the law. Biblical love—the only true love—is simply doing right by God and by others. We can know what is right when we know God’s commandments. Just a few are mentioned here. If we love someone, we will not steal from them, covet their things, lie to them, or commit adultery with them. All of these seem to make sense. After all, no one wants to be lied to, robbed, or hurt.
But what about participating in a same-sex relationship? What about participating in an “open relationship” with several partners? If that is what the other person wants and if it seems right, then is that love? Shouldn’t people be free to love anyone they want?
As we have seen, Jesus commands that we love and that we love everyone. But we’ve also seen that there is such a thing as right and wrong. If love is defined as “the fulfilling of the law”, then certain “expressions of love” are right with certain people and wrong with others. So, the real question is, “Does this relationship fulfill the law of God?”
In Matthew 19, Jesus answered this question by defining a romantic relationship to be between one man and one woman for life. Jesus said in Matthew 19:4-6, “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Jesus clearly defines romantic love as between a male and female. He defines romantic love as two (not many) becoming one flesh. Clearly, Jesus does not view homosexual relationships or polyamorous relationships as fulfilling the law. They may feel good or seem right, but they cannot be love because they are not aligned with God’s law.
From Jesus’ commands and example, we see that love is simply defined as doing right. I John 5:3 says, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.” II John 1:6 says, “And this is love, that we walk after the commandments.” Love is not a feeling; it is a decision to keep God’s commandments. Love is not based on desires or perceived needs; it is based on Christ’s example of self-denial and self-sacrifice. Sometimes that means saying no to ourselves and what we want for the good of others and the glory of God. Love is doing right. And God gave us His Word so that we can know what is right, so that we can know what is love.
How can we, as fallen humans, show God’s love to the world around us?
We love the same way that we do anything good and righteous—we do it in the power of the Holy Spirit! As Philippians 2:13 says, “For it is God that worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure”. We know that it is God’s will—His good pleasure—that we love God and others. Therefore, God is the one who will give us the “want to” and the “will do” when it comes to loving others. Another promise of Jesus is found in John 15:5, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.” If you are a child of God, then you are in Christ! When you make the daily choice to abide in (or depend on and dwell in fellowship with) Christ, then you can bring forth the fruits of the Spirit, love being one of them.
Yes, it is true that we cannot truly love without Jesus animating our lives, but it is equally true that we can love if we ask Jesus to do it through us. So, this St. Valentine’s Day, celebrate the Love that bled, died, and rose for you. Love others the way that Jesus loved you—in righteousness, self-denial, and sacrifice.